Friendship?
One unni told me something that made me think a little while ago.
"Sometimes, no matter how much two people care about each other, there can't seem to have any agreement between them." When it reaches that point where you care "too much", it gets easier to misunderstand, one gets greedier (in terms of what they want for themselves and what they want the other to understand), it just gets tiring in general. The very emotionally strong friendships are like Fire. They start quickly, they get consumed intensely and they're over as fast as they started. Sometimes they just explode, sometimes they just die out. Well it's not that they all end this way... In some cases, it takes a lot of intense fighting and making-up... and once you overcome that overflow of feelings, you can "truly" understand each other. Unfortunately it often ends before you can overcome that phase, just because patience is not a gift that everyone possesses. I know for sure that I personally don't have any, a fact that makes me very sad.
Often, the longest-lasting friendships are the one where each party is easy-going with each other and has little expectations. Why is that? I wouldn't know for sure... But I guess it can be seen as a small fire in which you put wood when it needs it and never more... so it burns slowly and continues burning for a long time...? I like to think of those as the pleasant kind of friendships where you can offer a part of yourself without making a "big deal out of it". It's kind of like a platonic love relationship, really.... You can feel comfortable with one person for a long time, talk about various things, get to know them to a certain extend, but it definitely lacks the passion, devotion and endeavour you would have with the "explosive" kind of relationship... the ones that tend to end quickly.
So why start, knowing it's gonna end?
Because that passion, that intensity, the overflow of emotions (whether you're feeling incredibly happy thanks to this one being, or incredibly sad) is worth it all.
And those memories you keep, the good ones and the bad ones, they remain part of you and them forever. Leaving a trace in someone's mind, isn't it the greatest social accomplishment?
We meet thousands of people, only a few remain by our side and only few mark us and make us remember them for ever... I think that even if I can't be by someone's side for ever for some odd/unexpected/undesired/etc. circumstances... then I'd rather be somewhere in their memory than be forgotten. That's why letting go at the right time is better than holding on, squeezing until there's nothing left...
That's why I can let you go now, with a smile, lots of love in my heart and many thanks.
What about you?
2 Comments:
There is the 3rd type of friendship :The one that is passionnate and does not wear out. I believe that, when you share the same vision as someone on friendship and the same feelings on your friendship, unless one of you or both of you change radically, the relationship will stay passionnate. Passionnate, in the way that both of you stay ready to invest a lot (attention, feelings, actions, etc. ) to keep that friendship alive and still. And it doesnt always take a lot of fighting/making up or overcoming the misunderstanding to be able to truly understand someone, especially if since the beginning that person had the same values, vision of you on life, friendship, love, etc. I admit it's difficult to find such person but it is not impossible though.
And patience is a virtue that you can acquire with time, as you grow older, you tend to become more patient...well usually...
perhaps. but i yet have to find such a person who would be willing to give as much passion as i've given some in the past.
what i want now, is a more... "calm" kind of friendship. the ones that make me feel happy and comfortable, instead of anguished and worried constantly.
my prof told me that i give too much and that noone (or very few people) can live up to my kind of friendship. perhaps she's right, perhaps i'll prove her wrong someday... but so far, i am starting to understand her words and instead of giving everything to someone, i'll learn to make what they give me everything i need... but that takes time and maturity and a lot of other things..
right now, passionate friendship just doesn't work for me. i want to be happy now. no more waiting after someone desperately, no more convenient friendships where people take me and leave me as they wish and then expect the same constant passion from me, no more wanting to be as important to someone as they are to me...
maybe it's just my ever-lonely self that is looking for a friend-soulmate... and maybe i am idealizing this kinda stuff.. but yeah, right now, it just seems its just not something meant for me.
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