Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Stravinsky's The Rake's Progress
I went to McGill's Opera today.
I wasn't expecting much, just because there is a world of difference between students and professionals, but I gotta admit I was pleasantly surprised.
The Orchestra was great, well balanced, on tune (of course they should be). The singers were okay too. The tenor wasn't standing out all that much but the barytone was amazing. What a voice! With efforts and perseverance I can imagine that guy become very big later. The soprano's voice was a little bit shaky at times, but she gave all the notes quite nicely and it didn't seem like an easy role. The choirs were very good too. I was impressed. The acting was okay, set designs were okay, set transitions were okay. The only thing that bothered me was the sexual implications of certain scenes, which, in my opinion, don't have their place in opera. Vulgarity just does NOT belong to opera... No matter what the modernists say. It ruins the musical effect by making the viewers focus so much on the crude images... Meh. Anyways... overall, the stage direction was fine and they rendered a very nice version of a not so famous modern opera.
To be honest, I didn't know that opera. Not that I have no interest in modern classical music (it was composed in 1947), but not many versions of The Rake's Progress have been filmed... and on top of that, being an amateur, I focused on watching a lot of operas by very famous composers such as Verdi and Puccini.. I'll also admit I am very drawn to the Italian language so it might have been a factor in what I've chosen to watch, too. The Rake's Progress is in English and though it is very familiar to the ear, it lacks the finesse of Italian. It's just my opinion... Overall, it was a nice performance and I am very satisfied. I am also very glad to see that McGill has some very talented students, who might have great careers on the international level.
The two friends I went with seemed to be satisfied too. It is very rare for me to find friends who enjoy this kind of cultural activity, so it's nice to talk openly about this without fearing to bother others with my "strange" hobbies. ^^;
Tomorrow is NYC gogossing!
Return on Sunday!
Keumerz @ 10:57 PM<
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Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Adulthood.
I say I want to be more adult-like...
but I still have the impatience and the lack of control of a child.
Hmm. Dilemma.
In the end, so many things will change by themselves, if I just allow them to...
First, gotta get rid of all that anger within myself.
But how do I do that?
Keumerz @ 2:07 AM<
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Deep Hatred.
I've never hated someone like I'm hating this Korean teacher at McGill.... I am trying not to, but I can't stop. I am trying to ignore her like I would for any undesirable person that doesn't deserve my attention, but she bothers me. Her incompetence, her stubbornness, her "I know it all" attitude, the fact that she thinks I owe her everything when actually she never did a thing for me.... Everything she does annoys me.
I am trying to show the best side of myself by refraining myself from being sarcastic, cruel and mean to her... but I fail to do so most of the time. I hate her with a passion, one that I can hardly imagine myself feeling for anyone else. I've disliked people before and I've shut down many undesirable feelings and many unpleasant people from my life but I've never wished so badly for someone's unhappiness, for someone's demise. I don't ever remember wishing so earnestly for someone to be miserable. Oh yes, I wish her to be miserable. There are times when I even wished her to suffer in her personal life, to endure the worst tortures from her professional life.
No, don't worry, I'm not wishing for her death or anything like that and I don't have murderer instincts... but she still awakes the worst in me. The philosophers debated wether human nature was good, bad or empty ready to be filled. I am starting to think it's actually bad and we learn to moderate it with time... Just because, I don't understand how so many negative feelings could get inside me. How is it possible to hate someone so much? How is it possible to hate someone to the point that you feel a part of yourself is being destroyed in the process??
Keumerz @ 12:17 AM<
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Monday, January 25, 2010
Got all my cleaning done.
Got all my homework till next week done. (Except maybe for Jpn..)
Got some clearer ideas...
Yet, cannot feel satisfied.
It doesn't matter, I'm off to New York in a few days.
Keumerz @ 1:40 AM<
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Saturday, January 23, 2010
Heroes.
I rewatched the movie "Ping Pong", that old Japanese movie that talks about that kid who dreams of becoming a great ping pong player and about his best friend, a shy and introverted guy who dreams to see his friend succeed and wishes to be inspired by him. Well, there's probably more to it but anyways... I watched it at first when I was still going through my Ping pong fever, which most people can't quite understand... If you've never played the sport, don't think it's easy... cuz once you get into the games, it can get quite intense... Of course, in a very different way than other sports...
Anyways, at one point the shy kid asks his friend and then his coach:
"Do you believe in heroes? The kind that will appear when you need them to and will protect you from whatever lies ahead?"
In the movie, the guy's hero was his friend. He was his inspiration to become a better person and succeed in fighting his fears and his insecurities. When he saw him with a beaming confident smile, he felt like he could go forward too and succeed in his own way. In a certain way, the friend also appreciated the guy's presence and also used him as an inspiration to try harder for himself. To think that someone respects you and admires you to that point... doesn't it make you want to become better so that this person can always look up to you?
In some way, I can understand how both those guys feel.
But where's my hero now?
Keumerz @ 9:05 PM<
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Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Strange...
Dialog I had with this cosmetics employee after she took a "scan" of my skin.
K: I wonder how bad the damage is?
E: Oh, actually the left side is very good. Your skin is hydrated, it's nice.
K: Wow, that's a relief...
E: Oh wait. Do you sleep on the right side?
K: Yes... why?
E: Hmm, that explains. Your right side is very dry, not nice at all.
K: Ouch.
E: And you have to get those black heads removed.
K: Ouch.. yeah...
E: Oh and the dark circles under your eyes?......................
K: OK, OK, I got it. Not good.
E: Well over all the damage is not so bad.
K: You mean except the dry right side, the black heads and the dark circles?
E:........... Hmm.................. Yes............................. but nothing irreversible.
I knew my skin wasn't perfect but ouch. I guess I should get a facial done soon. Those black heads will be the death of me. Well at least that gave Ar* a good laugh.
Keumerz @ 11:03 PM<
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Saturday, January 16, 2010
Carmen.
Live retransmission in HD from New York. With the sublime Elina Garança as Carmen and the famous Roberto Alagna as Don Jose.
There's no proper word to describe Garança, she's just too amazing. She acts well, sings well, dances well. She is sexy without ever crossing the border of vulgarity that some others cross. Her eyes say so many things. Her voice is sustained, strong, beautiful. She's just the most amazing Carmen I've ever seen. I haven't seen all that many, to be honest, but she's one I will always remember.
Alagna was doing fine too. Good acting (sometimes a bit overboard, but it's because he has a lot of energy, so it's okay), good singing even though he had a few problems in the aria of the 2nd act. He caught up at the end though, and that's what matters. He was very moving in the final act and I had a lot more compassion for his character than I did in the previous versions (especially that of Carreras where Don Jose is just a jealous brute). Overall he and Garança had very good chemistry and their acting was so good that I wondered how many bruises and scratches they must have from pushing each other around so much.
The barytone role was supposed to be taken by Mariusz K (sorry can't remember the spelling of his last name) but he was apparently ill and got replaced. The guy wasn't bad but his French pronunciation was a mess. Not the most charismatic Escamillo I've ever seen, but still very decent and... very tall! He did well overall. His "Toreador" song was overall very well sung.
The role of Michaella was taken by some Italian soprano, but I can't remember her name. She has a beautiful voice, sustained and she does the arias very nicely, but she doesn't have much charisma and her presence on stage is almost disregarded. Well, it might be because Alagna and Garança shine so much, everyone around them seems to be lacking something!
Anyways. The stages, the costumes, the overall production was AMAZING. The use of color lights to follow the tone of the music, the use of a rotating platform for the changing environment, which is actually more or less always the same set but used in a variety of ways, everything was well thought out and nicely done.
The same set + Garança as usual + Alagna in better vocal shape + Netrebko as Michaella + someone with charisma like Hvorostovsky as Escamillo + my favorite conductor Marco Armiliato... And that would be what I call the perfect version...
But I can keep dreaming. I don't think it's happening anytime soon. lol
Keumerz @ 6:48 PM<
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Friday, January 15, 2010
Hockey at the Bell Center
They say it's different live in the Bell Center, and they were right.
It's so much better live. Screaming like there's no tomorrow when a goal is scored.... I think it's the best way to relieve stress. Screaming out loud and noone will judge you because everyone is doing the same thing. Get angry for the same reasons as the thousands that scream in unison with you. Swear just cuz you feel like it. And you keep screaming. And all the accumulated anger you had within yourself is spent in all the energy you gather to scream. What an amazing feeling that was. Just for that, I could go again and again.
And 5-3 what a victory. Thank you Gionta, Cammalleri and Pouliot. You made this first live game even better.
It looks far on the pic, but it's actually closer than it seems. I followed the puck perfectly.
Keumerz @ 1:21 AM<
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Thursday, January 14, 2010
Meh.
I always give in. I am stubborn enough to fight my way through, but never stubborn enough to fight my way through the end. I gave in again. What would have been the point in winning anyways? She was hurt, I was hurt, our friendship was hurt. That was another pointless fight about which we will hopefully laugh tomorrow. In the end, we can blame it again on our youth. The hurtful things we say, the anger we feel, the tears we cry, the inability to properly express, the inability to properly understand, the blind judgements we make. I always feel sorry in the end, and I guess she feels the same. So where was the point in all that anger? Maybe the point was to make us realize the little faith we have in each other's feelings. Maybe we don't trust each other enough to make amendments simply instead of turning all this into a mess as we did. We care enough to do harsh things but not enough to simply let go? I don't know what the answer is. I wished I did though.
On a lighter note, what could I say? I am going to watch a hockey game tonight. My first time within the Bell Center. We are most likely gonna be too far. Should I bring binoculars?
Keumerz @ 4:03 PM<
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Monday, January 11, 2010
Dreams.
Funny how when you have a good dream you don't feel like waking up. Don't feel like letting it go. I had 4 alarms on snooze mode and I kept turning them off just because I wanted to continue that dream. Whoever says dreams can't be controlled might have been partly wrong.
I was in Seoul, on the campus of Kyunghee, looking for my prof... desperately. lol. Running around in the warmth of the Spring... Looking for her all over campus. Sounds like a weird dream to want to continue, but I liked it. I eventually found her. She was smiling as always and she gave me that totally surprised look. "How come you're here, you didn't even call". "I have to go away very very soon, because I'm gonna wake up and go to school, I said. "Well, then we should enjoy this moment while we can. Sit down". Then we sat down on my suitcases and I gave her all those gifts I'd been meaning to give her. We had such a short talk... but at least I got to see her. Even if for a short moment.... Even if it's a dream.
Things seem to be getting clearer on one side. A little less clear on another.
I don't really know what I want, I think. Everything seems confusing at this point.
Keumerz @ 8:52 AM<
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Saturday, January 9, 2010
Opera, oh opera.
I probably said this before, but I have tickets for the complete season of the Opera in HD which is broadcasted in the movie theaters everywhere in the world. Today my brother's friend had to work so he couldn't make it... and for the first time, I found myself watching opera alone at the movie theater.
I didn't know what to expect. It was my first time to watch Der Rosenkavalier, an opera composed by Strauss. Sang all in German. Language wise, I thought I'd be rather turned off, because previous Mozart operas, despite amazing music, often were able to bother me by the horrible sound of the language itself. Oh yeah, I'm sorry for my German friends, but you guys speak a pretty ugly language. Coarse and rough to the ears... Or maybe is it just the fact that most of the operas I've watched were in Italian, which has such a softer sound?... Anyways.
I was aware that the main female role was to be performed by Renee Fleming, who is an amazing singer... but rather a pretentious human being. Her vanity has no equal but her prestance on stage. I guess she deserves to be proud of herself... Her acting is quite impressive, her voice is beautiful, she is also physically beautiful. I think in the world right now, she might be the most impressive. (Well I always keep for myself that my favorite soprano is Anna Netrebko, but I gotta admit her senior Fleming deserves praise).
I went through a number of emotions while watching Der Rosenkavalier... I was trembling when I heard the music at the beginning, it was so beautiful. Then I laughed, because it's quite a comical story. And I cried at the final scene, when the main woman sends her lover away to someone else, wishing only for his happiness... The final aria was so touching... The music and the interpretation were so beautiful, I couldn't hold back a few tears. I wished I could properly explain. I must sound like I've gone crazy, but they were very, very positive emotions overall.
These days, it feels like nothing else should exist. It's only when I watch opera that I can empty my mind of all those useless thoughts and angry emotions. I go to class, I meet people, I attend all those good bye dinners and birthdays and family events. I do my homework, I study... And then, the one favorite moment of my day: Just lying down listening to opera... I still can't sleep, but it feels like I'm regenerating myself anyway. I noticed I woke up in a better mood too. As if, the music was cleansing my soul of every negative aspects? It's like I found a material version of "my prof". lol... Honestly, this week I feel like I saw so many people I had to see and I feel like I saw noone at the same time. As if I am completely empty when I meet all those people who are actually so dear (or supposed to be) to my heart. I created myself a new type of isolation, but a good one. Well, it might look selfish to most, but I am feeling better thanks to that. It just feels like suddenly I rose above everything...
I'm not sure what fight I wanted to undergo when I thought I'd face Montreal once and for all to get rid of all those thoughts. But the more I fight it, the more I dislike it. Day by day, when I think "I'll do nothing but face my fear and my anguish" and I end up accumulating more thoughts and disliking the place even more bits by bits. No, I don't want to leave Montreal with a completely bitter and negative feeling.... So I decided to just let it be and find something that can make me rise above all that mess and appreciate life in a different way. This is my way, I suppose. Just filling my head with never ending classical music, with never ending trembling from overwhelming positive emotions.
Anyways now that I'm done with the Emo speech, I'm gonna start planning things for NY. We are officially going to watch Simon Boccanegra (by Verdi with Placido Domingo and Marcello Giordani) in NY at the end of the month. And knowing Andrea, the plan of going to the Met Museum will also hold. There's nothing else I wanna do in NY anyways. Except maybe eating tons of Korean food.. haha. I am actually looking forward to seeing F*and travelling with the 3 guys. 4 guys in tux just for me at the opera, I guess I should feel privileged? lol
I'm going back to work tomorrow. So far the coming week is looking like this:
Long school day with 2 Tests on Monday. (+ Appointment with my advisor to know if I can retake my exam. )
Work, work, work on Tuesday. + Dinner with my Aunt?
Busy school day on Wednesday...
Hockey Game on Thursday.
Birthday party of my XG* on Friday.
Opera -Carmen in HD on Saturday.
Work on Sunday.
I have one italian book to read through. Major catching up in Italian vocab and conversation (thank god for my newly found Language Exchange partner). Two presentations coming up. One Korean translation project to start. Japanese Kanji to restudy + new chapters to prepare so that Uesaka sensei stops thinking I am a retard in class (and I happened to find another language exchange partner for that too). What else. Oh yeah. I think I'm gonna get ahead in German by doing every single exercise that are due by the end of the year so that I never even have to think about it again.
They were right. Time on your own to get things done and to do the things you want is not so bad. The rest of the world will keep turning around whether I stop to look at it or not. Just keep your eyes on what you really want. The rest will follow. And if it doesn't, then... whatever, right?
Keumerz @ 11:30 PM<
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Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Lo que paso paso..
I fell asleep finally around 4 a.m., woke up around 7... I find myself naturally embracing this sleepless schedule even though I tried to go to bed somewhat early (2 a.m). I think Montreal has a bad effect on my personality. I become busy, irritable and I get depressed so easily. Well, rather than saying "I'm getting depressed", I should probably say I am mood swinging like crazy. One moment I'm wayyy hyper, the next moment I end up crying on my own. That's quite weird... I keep overthinking when I am here, and I want to find something to blame, but I couldn't find anything else... I barely came back but I need to get out of Montreal. Quickly. It's definitely poisoning my soul. Maybe I've been here for too long and my traveller's spirit demands that I never stay more than 3 years at the same place? Who knows? For a while I really felt home here, but those days are over. And I really feel they're not coming back anytime soon. I built so many memories here... but so many of them turned into bitter thoughts not wanting to be remembered that I get suffocated. These thoughts suffocate me, I'm looking for oxygen and I cannot find it anywhere in here... Argh, am I becoming some kind of Schizofreniac person, looking for something that doesn't exist?
It's all over soon, right?
NY in Jan.
Home in Feb.
Korea in May.
Then my grandpa is here for June.
And hopefully my prof will be there for the rest of the summer until I leave to Paris (highly hypothetical).
I tried desperately to call my prof last night but no answer.
I keep myself busy but for some reason, I can never get as busy as she is.
As for YOU...
Can't you just disappear?
No, you're right, I intruded, I gotta leave first.
This is your city. It was my mistake to build my life here around you. Now you're everywhere. And no matter how hard I try, I can't make you fully disappear.
Don't flatter yourself, it's nothing else but the inability to shut down an indesirable thought.
I want to forget you once and for all and forget all the guilt and the bitterness of the childish kid I was two years ago. Maybe I just want to forget all my mistakes... And maybe a part of me just wants to forget that you ever existed.
Keumerz @ 7:53 AM<
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Planning, planning.
So after two years of not really hanging out since we were both gone on exchange, I got to see AD and surprisingly I realized it was the first time I really had a one on one meeting with him. It was nice to find out a bit more about his personality and his interests. (Among other things, we seem to have a common affinity for languages.) Then it was kind of random, but we planned on the spot a trip to NY with a few other people to go see a common friend and... watch opera. I was a bit surprised that he was into it, but actually now that I think about it, he did mention it in the past. It's amazing what you can discover and rediscover about people who surround you. Sometimes a friendship which wasn't so strong in its beginning can develop after some time... Anyways. Last week end of January, don't look for me, I'll be in New York City. What I like about this whole situation, is that it wasn't one of those "yeah yeah why don't we do that and then we never end up doing it" kind of situation. Right on the spot the guy goes: "I'm writing it in my planner now. Do the same, we are going for real, no bailing out." Then we called F* in NY and he confirmed he could host us and hang out for the 4 days we decided. We need the confirmation of one more person, but I'm sure it'll be fine.
What else? I saw JH unni in visit in Montreal. Shortly, but nicely. She's going back to Korea in 2 days and she doesn't know if she can come back. I told her about my plan to go to Korea in May and we decided to travel a bit together. It was also an unexpected plan, but I am looking forward to it. There are so many places I haven't seen in Korea... I really feel like rediscover it as a tourist and go to all those fascinating places. ^^ It seemed like a real plan too, so I really hope it works out.
Tonight was also the bitter defeat of the Habs vs the Caps. Then the bitter defeat of Team Canada Junior vs. Team USA Jr. Meh. No comments.
More bitter, was the farewell dinner of YJ unni. I didn't quite realize she was leaving until now... But thinking about it at home, I am much sadder than I was at the dinner. She's one special kid that I didn't pay attention to as much as I should've. I always get blinded by certain types and I end up swinging by a lot of amazing people. She's one of them. I didn't look at her as well as I should have and tonight I felt like I was regretting not spending that much time with her. I suddenly regretted not contacting her more often. She has a very pure heart, that unni. I guess we don't really choose who we get close to, it's more of a natural process... But next time I see her, I think I'll have learnt to appreciate her presence more and to appreciate that beautiful heart of hers... Kind of like W*. I found out about her so late and now I'm kind of wishing really hard I get another opportunity to get close.
Hmm. Life is one of those complicated things that one cannot grasp fully. I keep reducing my friends' circles and I think I am starting to slowly see what real friendships are all about. Maybe noone can think exactly the way I do in terms of love, friendship (and maybe very few people can fully grasp my overall concepts), but I guess I am learning to accept that fact. And I think that even if we don't think the same way, it doesn't keep me from finding people with good values and with whom I can share a durable and deep friendship. What matters, is to be able to sort out who's a "friend" and who's a "Friend" with a big F.
Keumerz @ 12:40 AM<
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Saturday, January 2, 2010
And it's the middle of the night again... I can't seem to fall asleep so I am back on my phone to write on this blog. I'm not even sure that what I write goes thru. I guess I'll know soon. Going back to Mtl in 2 days.
Sorry if it offends anyone, but I honestly don't really wanna go back to Montreal though I have to. I was able to empty my head for two weeks... And now I'm gonna have to remember so many things again. "What I have to do. Where I am standing. Who is with me. Where I am heading to." The graduating u4 student reality?
None of that reality seems real to me though. Tutto e follie nel mundo, cio che non e piacer. Piacer... Which seems to be recently brought to me only by music... It is indeed the only thing that seems to heal me these days. Maybe it's the only thing I wanna consider real.
Haha, I don't even know what I'm saying... But I guess these 2 weeks away allowed me to think a lot of things through. Gotta put actions on the words "do things for myself" for real this time.
Keumerz @ 1:20 AM<
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Friday, January 1, 2010
There's no internet here so here i am, blogging on my phone. What a pain. Just wanna let you guys know I am doing fine. Living on a mountain skiing and watching opera with my parents and my brother.
My insanely busy schedule starts again in 3 days. Sigh.
School starts on the 4th. I have a japanese quiz on the 6th. A friend is coming to visit me in Mtl from the 6th to the 8th. My parents are coming on the 8th on their way to some trip. I start working again on the 9th. I have a firs test on the 11th. And gee I still haven't sent nor shopped for my prof's gift.
Monday's gonna be intense.
Let's enjoy this break while we can.
Happy New Year to all!
Keumerz @ 10:41 AM<
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