Happy Convo.
KY: So you're not coming to Canada?
J: Nothing sure yet... maybe I can't... but if you go to France for grad school, I'll go visit you.
KY: What if France doesn't work out? What if I end up going to Korea?
J: Then I'll choose you as an English teacher... actually it might work out better this way. Just come back.
KY: I thought you said I wasn't meant to live in Korea.
J: I changed my mind. Come.
KY: Hahaha.
J: Study more and then come.
KY: Study more what?
J: Do up to the master's and then come.
KY: Are you telling me to fail my entrance exam to France and go to Korea instead?
J:.. well no, not that.. but if someone like YOU can't get a job in Korea, then who can?
KY: Though I can't speak Korean properly.
J: You're doing well. Well enough to get a job. No joke. But wow, it really seems like I'm trying to convince you to come eh?
KY: Do you miss me that much?
J: Yeah...
KY: Hmm. That doesn't sound like the J that I know... so contradictory?
J: It's not that I didn't want you to come... I am just worried.
KY: So you do worry about me? :P
J:......
I don't know if I'll be taken in that grad school to France...
There was a time I was so terrified to know I might not be... Just because I was able to convince myself that I don't fit in Korea. Maybe I still think I don't fit there... Maybe I can't actually live there for so long... Or maybe the most terrifying thing was to think that you might not want me around. What is it that scares me, really?
I complain I am suffocating here. I am scared of suffocating there... In the end, I am scared before even trying... That's not the way I should do things.
But let's say France doesn't work out and I go back to Seoul.... then to know you're there is reassuring. And to know that you actually have one or more reasons of wanting me there... is somewhat pleasing... Just because if there's one person that's part of the 1% that I mentioned in my previous entry, it has to be you. Unconditionally. Because noone knows me nor understands me better than you.
Now that I know you'll encourage me no matter what I do... I wanna try. I don't know where or what, but I'll try.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home