Deep Hatred.
I've never hated someone like I'm hating this Korean teacher at McGill.... I am trying not to, but I can't stop. I am trying to ignore her like I would for any undesirable person that doesn't deserve my attention, but she bothers me. Her incompetence, her stubbornness, her "I know it all" attitude, the fact that she thinks I owe her everything when actually she never did a thing for me.... Everything she does annoys me.
I am trying to show the best side of myself by refraining myself from being sarcastic, cruel and mean to her... but I fail to do so most of the time. I hate her with a passion, one that I can hardly imagine myself feeling for anyone else. I've disliked people before and I've shut down many undesirable feelings and many unpleasant people from my life but I've never wished so badly for someone's unhappiness, for someone's demise. I don't ever remember wishing so earnestly for someone to be miserable. Oh yes, I wish her to be miserable. There are times when I even wished her to suffer in her personal life, to endure the worst tortures from her professional life.
No, don't worry, I'm not wishing for her death or anything like that and I don't have murderer instincts... but she still awakes the worst in me. The philosophers debated wether human nature was good, bad or empty ready to be filled. I am starting to think it's actually bad and we learn to moderate it with time... Just because, I don't understand how so many negative feelings could get inside me. How is it possible to hate someone so much? How is it possible to hate someone to the point that you feel a part of yourself is being destroyed in the process??
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