Spent the worst night ever. I was trying to pull off an all nighter and I was doing a pretty good job until I decided to go for a food break... So I went exceptionally to Tim Hortons, which I shouldn't have considering that their Sandwich made me sick all night. I don't remember throwing up like this since Cegep, first year, when I had that beef which had been sitting in the fridge for too long... It was my first year away from my parents, I remember calling my dad at midnight, asking him to save me cuz I had never felt so sick before. I remember him saying he felt so powerless and sorry but that being 500km away from me, there was nothing he could do...That night, was maybe the only night in my Champlain life, when I had wished I hadn't left home so early... I never really felt this way again, but yesterday as I was throwing up and feeling like my stomach was being torn apart, I really thought of my Dad and I wished, even for one instant that he was there to hold me tight. I wished my Mom had been there to pat my back and pass her hand in my hair, as I was trying to fall asleep again.
I like people who see beyond normal expectations and who view the value of things a bit differently from others. I get disappointed so easily, I want to be able to go beyond all those things I expect and see things for what they really are. It's funny how one moment of pain, or one moment of unexpected unhappiness can turn you off to so many other things. Once you lose that feeling you get for someone, it's gone. No need to beg to get it back. They say there's a thin line between love and hate. Giving the love I can give some, I guess it's true I could hate them just as much. Not that I want to, but what if it turned out like that?
Wow, I guess there's no reason to feel so, and I guess it's me overreacting... but I feel like my feelings have been all trampled over again. It's funny how I always end up being taken for granted, thrown away for a moment and then eventually taken back when it's convenient by friends. And I just open my arms wide to that. I guess I'm just too dumb to walk out of it with dignity while I can. Whoever said love makes you cry all the time must be right, except that they shouldn't have limited their definition to lovers love, but to all kinds of love. I'm through with this. Let me get a bit colder. Screw all this, I have nothing more to prove to anyone, except myself... and what I need to prove myself right now is the fact that I'm stronger than this. No, I don't care and yes, tomorrow when I'm gonna see you, I'm gonna smile cool-ly and pull off the best scene of acting that was ever seen in history.
Tomorrow is the last day of school. I'm hoping for a better day to come. I guess I'm tired from staying up so much.
4 Comments:
Kuuchan is za best yo. You have nothing to prove to anyone.
It's funny how you seem to have same issues with people I had when I was in undergrad... well, before I stopped socializing lol.
And you know, next time if you need to whine to someone, you can just interrupt my air headed questioning like yesterday and start talking. I'll listen :)
haha akasen...
yappa jinsei no senpai nandesune!
it somewhat happened after you went to bed. I am always happy to get your "air headed" question, it feels like at least one person is interested by me and not just what I can provide to them. haha, i guess im overreacting again... but sometimes people are such piss off you know? maybe I'll end up not socializing either...
are you ok?? i hope you're feeling better now. screw tim horton's and their crappy food (and their crappy staff too!). don't let other people get you down. they're not worth it. anyway, have a good last day of school~
sumi, thx!
Timmy Hoes was the last time. Never going back there. Actually, my stomach has been screwed up since that day... T.T
I've realized over years that people have the power to make the happiest but also the most miserable ever... I really want to find a balance, but I guess I'm just not good at it...
Well thank god there are people I know I can always count on...
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