Done.
Econ313. I'll talk very shortly about it... just because I don't really wanna think about it. No it wasn't easy and no I don't think I did fabulous. But honestly, I stressed so much over it that now that it's done... I don't really care. I gave it my best shot and I tried to answer as many questions as possible. It's done and over with, what else can I do? As senpai said, it's in the past now, there's nothing good coming out from rethinking about it over and over... Now let's look to the future.
I had a coffee with S unni after the exam. There's definitely something intriguing about her. I feel somewhat very comfortable to hang out and talk about all kind of subjects... at the same time, it's like I get too curious about the different facetes of her personality and I can't open myself the way I'd do naturally. Some strange feeling... but a good one. Actually, after the dreadful exam, it felt good to just let loose and talk about all kind of things. I feel like I am back in my first year, when I was meeting all sorts of different interesting people and I was so curious about everything and everyone surrounding me. I had this long empty phase when I came back from Korea and I was holding on to the familiar, scared to really open up and meet people, getting all my complexes back... And now I feel like the phase is finally gone through and I can be myself again, meet new and interesting people and "rediscover my environment". In any case, I'm just glad things turn out this way even if it's my last year in McGill... or maybe especially because it is??
I had a very long talk by bits with my prof through MSN. It was 9:00 AM(in Korea it was 10 PM) when I left my condo and she was already online to prepare some presentation and to finish some work. I got to class and talked to her online while I was in German class for an hour, until 10:30 (11:30 PM for her). I went to take a Korean test then had class and went back online. She was still online and we talked some more by bits and bits until it was 1:00 PM for me (2 A.M for her). I went to Japanese class to take a test, and went back online at 3:50 PM (4:50 AM in Seoul) just before my ECON exam and she was STILL online, alive and kicking. And when I asked her when she was going to bed she said: "I still have some work to do, I'll go sleep soon". Then I remembered the time when she is supposed to be at the office to work.... 8:00 A.M. which means... 3 hours later. And she wasn't even done. How many hours did she sleep, like 2? not even. At this time, she's probably already at work. I definitely admire her dedication to work, but it's kinda crazy. It drives ME crazy. I should be detached, but I can't help worrying about her health..................
What else? So with S unni I had this talk about the kind of men we wanted to date (she has an established bf already), culturally speaking. I always thought, before, that I would date any kind of guy, that nationality did not matter and that culturally I could be very open minded to any kind of person.... But I think I was wrong. First of all, because I realized in the recent last year or so that I loved my family so much, I could never bring someone they couldn't get along well, or someone that would make them uncomfortable in any way... And that, unfortunately excludes any person who doesn't speak French. You'll say, a language is easy to learn and it's true. I can totally go for someone who learnt the language, as long as he can culturally understand where I come from and understand that my family is more important than anything else. Understand the French part in me, and not just see the Asian face. Because let's be honest, I'm clearly more French than Korean.... However, that leads to the second point: I'm still Korean in a way that I hadn't imagined... So it might make me sound picky.... and perhaps I'll end up disregarding this part eventually, but I really want someone who understands Korean culture. It's a bit awkward, knowing where and how I grew up... But seriously, as I spent time in Seoul, I got in touch with a Korean self that I didn't know before and I really think it has become an important part of my life and who I am going to be as a person later. Not having to explain or argue over culturally difficult to explain feelings and reactions, thinking, etc.... Someone who's interested or ideally, someone who lived what I lived...
Or I guess, it could be just someone who's really international and has a very wide international open mind... I'm not sure precisely... Maybe they don't have to understand the Korean part fully, as long as they're very open? I'm not sure, you can't really pinpoint a type of person you want, you'll always end up with something different. I think that if I had to choose an ideal situation for my future, it'd be someone who has the same background as I, or a Korean who grew up in a foreign country, or a French who lived in Korea??? hahaha. That'd be awesome actually....
Let me dream a bit.
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