Dad, I love you.
It's funny how such a simple sentence is so hard to say. I never really said it in person. I don't know why the courage never occurred to me, but I think I should tell him someday soon, like when he comes back from one of your many trips...
It's sad to realize thatI couldn't remember of making this simple move by myself. To think that I needed some external factor remind me of how much I love him and how much I owe him... How my life would've been so different if it hadn't been for him and his constant support, despite my teen crises, my selfishness and my personal goals which are leading me so far away from him and the rest of the family.
My friend's father just passed away. And it might be just because I am so tired and emotional these days, but it made me cry to think of the pain she must have gone through when she lost him. And I was somewhat admiring the courage that she had and the strength she must have needed to go through this. I don't think I could've done it and the mere thought of it is painful. Maybe because I feel there are so many things I want to give him (and Mom) once I finish all that studying and when I finally settle down somewhere. Because he gave me so much and so much that I can never fully repay, I just want this chance to give him at least a little something. All those hardships he went through because of me, I'll pay them back by a thousand. Without him nothing of this life I am leading would have become what it is.... And... I don't want to imagine a world without him or Mom...
All that "I'm independent" bullshit, has just been proven wrong right now. I don't want to be independent, I just want to be my Parent's girl and hold them really tight before anything else.
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