Church.
Yes, as incredible as it sounds, I went to Church with my friend. I think I should make things clear first: I was never a strong believer and I had been fighting for years with my parents over going to Church.... However, I do believe in God. My definition of God is not limited to just the Christian God but a much larger entity? Like a "Grand Horloger" (a big clock maker?). I know that I cannot become super religious and go to church every week or so... but there are definite times when a bit of spirituality becomes necessary (in my life anyways). Meaning, I like to think a lot about different things, and I think that the Catholics do offer a certain number of interesting insights in their texts. Anyways the point is, Religion is fine as long as it doesn't define who you are and as long as you don't try to impose it onto others. If Christians, Muslims, and millions of others had understood that from the beginning, I am sure we could have avoided so many wars and conflicts. Religion would thus be for me a personal concept, rather than a social one. Of course, I want others to know what I think and that's why I'm writing this... but I will never try to make them see things my way in that respect.
Anyways so I went to Church and I was surprised to realize it was a Korean church! My friend hadn't mentioned it was, probably because she thought I knew. It was located near Lionel Groulx station. It was interesting to hear all those religions texts which I knew in French from my childhood but all said in Korean. I didn't quite understand everything, I didn't know the songs they were singing, and I didn't know the people or the way they prayed... so it was quite an interesting experience... Somewhat terrifying though. It revived a lot of thoughts that were slowly inside me awaiting to be unleashed. To be honest, I love Korea and I love Koreans... but in Montreal, I always feel intimidated by Korean groups. I feel like I am scared to show them who I am. Somewhat the complex of the adoptee? I feel like over the years I've always been judged on that. My name and my face which doesn't really corresponds to my background if I may say.... If they knew, they would understand why my Korean isn't so good... but they would also probably look at me with an either pitiful look or an incredulous one.I don't really like that...
I think the solution would just to accept myself fully as an Earthling that doesn't belong anywhere but belongs everywhere at the same time?... But how do I do that?
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