Words would just not come out of my mouth. Even though she needed me to say them.
"I'm here, it's gonna be okay." I couldn't utter them.
Actually I hate these words more than anything. Obviously it's gonna be okay and the fact that I'm here or not won't change a thing. I can't tell you anything reassuring, I can't tell you when the pain is gonna stop, so all I can say is that it's gonna be okay. What a no-brainer. I hate this sentence. Such a useless one. Silence is better. If I could've just held her in silence, it would have been a thousand times more appeasing... But she's so far away all I could do was listen to her and her pain. Can't hold her, can't wipe her tears. All I could do was listen to her pain, in silence... just because I couldn't bring me to say that sentence which I find so stupid and useless but which might have appeased her, were it only for a moment.
Her pain is not mine to erase, her suffering is not mine to appease, yet I can't help thinking it's part of my responsibilities. Because the day I saw her heart, which was so beautiful, I promised myself I'd never do anything that could hurt it... I promised I'd do anything to preserve it from getting harmed... But I'm here, far away, and there's nothing I can do for her. Sit in silence. Can't even watch, just have to listen to muted tears. Oh how I wished I could say things articulately like my father with half his wit and wisdom. No matter how hard I tried to change that personality of mine, there's this shy and powerless kid who sleeps within me... I hate that.
I'm sorry I couldn't say anything to you. I'm sorry I'm so weak.
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