My prof was right, as usual. "사람에게 너무 잘 빠져, 너.." (You get too easily into people).
I wanna deny that... but it's true, I always did and it appears that I always will. Even if I try not to... Even if I wished I was able to turn all cold to everyone I meet. And especially to those who make me feel this way. And I'm not even talking about just love relationships, I'm talking about human relationships in general. The ones that make you feel so happy that you wonder if the feeling is even real.
Omg. I don't want to get attached like this. Too quick, too much. When it's gonna crash, I'll be hitting my head on the wall all over again thinking "why can't I control this?". If that kid wants to hurt me later, after just a couple of weeks, she'll be able to step all over me and leave me a totally empty shell of bitter loneliness. I wished I was even exaggerating... but it's true. It'd be so easy to crush me now. Weakness of mine. I hate this.
It's terrifying.
Yet I like the feeling I get when I'm with that kid so much. It doesn't really matter if it hurts later.
Scientifically speaking, the normal reaction of a human being is to avoid everything that causes pain. For some reason, it appears that I get dragged to it. I guess I'm a masochist. Or maybe I'm just an idiot. Take your pick.
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I watched a ridiculous movie yesterday. "I am Legend". It was almost as bad as "28 days later". Same concept. Zombies emerging from some random disease, people looking for the cure, people killing zombies and getting killed by zombies. Whatever. Undeveloped plot. Undeveloped background. The end is pathetic. The whole thing is pathetic. Will Smith is acting ridiculously bad in that movie too. Over all, out of 10 pts, I'll give it -3.
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What else. I am now officially poor. No more credit card. I have to start making my life a bit better. Live independently and be smarter about the way I spend. I'm just being ridiculous. Things have to change.
And I am now officially fat. So, I'll avoid eating for a while. Or I'll avoid eating crap food for a while, at least. No more fast food, candies, junkfood... Fruits and Veggies. I should be vegetarian. With just a little bit of chicken/beef once in a while.
Why am I talking about this? I have to empty my head.
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