Losing it...
There's this song I really like, sang by Monkey Majik, "Long Shot Penny".
It says: "And now I'm falling down, my world is crumbling down. I wished that it would all become clearer."
Those 3 sentences summarize my life now. Haha, ironic isn't it? I'm paying the price of a lifetime of making fun of others and looking down on people who were depressed... God must be having a hell of a good laugh right now.
I made a mistake a few weeks ago. The kind of mistake I had never made and hopefully will never make again. Honestly, I've been regretting it everyday ever since. I can't be alone, yet the presence of others bother me. I was so desperate for sleep and comfort, I even prayed to God that He'd forgive me.... Nothing changed. My heart's hurting right now like it never did before and the pain grows a little more each day. Each decision I make seems to worsen it. Why?
My existence is full of "Why"s right now.
"Why not just move on? Why can't you just forgive yourself?" Some people asked me that.
I'm looking for the answer. Everyday.
For some reason, I'm surrounded by a lot of people... but I've never felt so alone. Why? Corneille was right. Je suis seule au monde.... I just wanna disappear right now. I just wanna go away from this place.
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