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Team Canada.

Finally it's over.
Hockey being the only sport I really watch (with figure skating), I couldn't honestly fully feel detached from the game.. In the end I'm glad Team Canada won.
For them and for their country, it actually means something important. Technically it's the national sport, and so many people watch it.
But let's be honest, the Americans don't give a damn about hockey as a sport, they just care about winning. It would've been more interesting to watch a Canada-Russia final, just because it would've been a very emotional one...

Ah, one comment about winners/losers in sports. In my opinion a winner who doesn't win with class shouldn't win. And a loser who can't lose with class shouldn't participate. It's not war, it's sport. Especially in hockey. It's a team thing... and every player that was chosen to be part of that team is supposed to be elite. Being an olympian should be honorable. Being in the final is even more... Winning is great but remember your place.
I was glad to see that the Canadian men (unlike the women) didn't overdo their joy celebration and remained dignified... And I was glad Luongo didn't overboast. He took it as a team success, not a personal one.

However, I was somewhat disgusted at Team America after the game... I mean, sure you're disappointed for not getting gold (and God knows everyone wants to be first)... but there are 15 nations out there who play hockey, and you happen to be top 3. And it's not like the Juniors or the Women Hockey, where only two teams are good so the results are obvious... There are a bunch of great teams out there and you did well enough to beat most of them except one. So please, SMILE in front of the camera. Don't frown and act like a douche. You got up there, reversed all expectations (noone thought they'd get this far) and you end up with a medal around your neck. I know a bunch of underrated teams that would have been so happy to get even a third place. Slovakia for example.. or Switzerland. Anyways. At least have some manners and pretend to rejoice... by respect for all those who couldn't get anywhere close to that spot.
Keumerz @ 6:43 PM< [[ 0 comments ]]



Lippen Schweigen

The Merry Widow. A veeeeery entertaining operetta by Franz Lehar. All in German...
My dad showed me this awesome version tonight. It was a very sweet and tender opera with many cute and funny scenes, unlike the operas I usually watch. It was quite refreshing, after such a long day.

Here is a short clip of the beautiful waltz song "Lippen Schweigen" (Silent lips). According to me, it is one of the most beautiful duets ever written. There's something very tender, very moving about it... Basically the dialog preceding the song is the never-ending game of cat and mouse that the two main characters play. They are so in love with each other yet they keep playing it cool and indifferent, trying to make the other react. (If you don't like the dialog part which is in German, you can skip to 2:13 and listen to the duet.)


Lippen schweigen, 's flüstern Geigen: "Hab mich lieb."
(lips are silent, violins whisper: "love me.")

All die Schritte sagen: "Bitte, hab mich lieb!"
(all steps says: "please, love me!")

Jeder Druck der Hände deutlich mir 's beschrieb
(Every handshaking tells me clear)

Er sagt: "Klar, 's ist wahr, 's ist wahr. Du hast mich lieb!"
( It says: "Yes, it's true, it's true. You love me.")


Bei jedem Walzerschritt tanzt auch die Seele mit.
(While every waltzstep the soul is dancing too.)

Da hüpft das Herzchen klein, es klopft und pocht: "Sei mein, sei mein!"
( The little heart hops, knocks and beats : "Be mine, be mine!" )
Und der Mund, er spricht kein Wort, doch tönt es fort und immer fort:
(And the mouth it doesn't talk any word, but always and always it sounds:)
"Ich hab dich ja so lieb. Ich hab dich lieb!"
"I love you so much. I love you!"
Jeder Druck der Hände deutlich mir's beschrieb
(Every handshaking tells me clear)
Er sagt: "Klar, 's ist wahr, 's ist wahr, Du hast mich lieb!"
(It says: "Yes, it's true, it's true. You like me." )

At this point, I wished the whole world could understand the German spoken in there. It is doubtlessly a very harsh and not so pretty language, but this song's lyrics are just so beautiful... The translation is just not up to it...
Keumerz @ 10:12 PM< [[ 26 comments ]]



Rochette 3rd!!!

I must admit that I did get emotional before and after watching Joannie Rochette perform her long program for figure skating. There was no doubt Yuna Kim would win it without a problem if she landed her jumps, which she did (perfectly). And barely any doubt that the Japanese kid (Mao?) would get second. Their technical and visual elements are just above everyone else's throughout the competition, especially Yuna Kim's....
But I was praying really hard that Joannie Rochette would win something and I was glad she did. I had never cheered for Canada at figure skating and no figure skater had ever been able to move me to the point of shedding tears, but she definitely was inspiring. I saw that look in her eyes when she got her medal. While Yuna Kim was crying out of stress relief and happiness to have won the Olympics, Joannie Rochette was just standing there crying and wishing her Mom could have seen her in her utmost glory. She was probably heartbroken most of the time since that tragedy, but she stood and she smiled and she won... For one to stand so strong at a moment when she must be so emotionally weak... it only inspires respect.
I praised her in previous entries and I'll praise her again now.
Congratulations, Joanie Rochette! Out of all the athletes that got something in those games, you're the one who deserved it the most.

On a very different note. I am SO GLAD Olympics are almost OVERRRR.
I was excited too at the beginning... It's pretty cool to tell your friends all over the world that your country is hosting something so big... (even if it's at the other end of the country and you'll never get to watch them unless you spend a ridiculous amount of time and money.) Then there was the cost realization and then I saw how ridiculously obsessed people can get over a match of whatever sport. I thought it was funny at first, now I find it quite pathetic. I mean... yeah nationalism and whatever and sure, I want Canada to win the hockey competition. It's fun and all. Cheering by screaming is also the best way to release stress...

But the thing is, people are getting wayyyy too emotionally worked out over the whole damn thing. Especially the ones who start insulting other countries just because their team lost or just because they think their country is so awesome. Sheesh, get over yourself.
US especially, we know you guys get loaaads of medals. Good for you. Now pleeeeease shut up and let other countries do their best.
Or Russia, pleeeeeeaaaase get over the fact that Evgeni Plushenko didn't get gold. DIGNITY in winning AND in losing!!! The WHOLE freggin' world is looking at you. No need to file complaints and find a scapegoat or whatever...
And that goes for everyone out there who thinks insulting another country is justified just cuz your country didn't make it to the finals or whatever.
(Specific example: all those Korean kids who just insult/swear at the Chinese for "stealing" their medal. Get over it, it's just a sport. We are better than that, don't make us look like a bunch of uneducated idiots who can't lose with dignity.)

Anyways. MEH.
Thank God it's over soon.
Keumerz @ 12:33 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]



I Pagliacci by Leoncavallo

Today my Dad introduced me to this opera. The story of a clown who, both on stage and in real life, is being cheated on by the woman he loves. Eventually he loses his temper and his reason and he kills her. A very short opera but very intense in terms of emotions.
I never liked clowns but this one definitely moved me. This one aria in the second act was amazing. He is angry and desperately heartbroken but since the show must go on, he forces himself to laugh, and hides himself under the make-up he wears. Here's the aria and the version I saw (lyrics with translation at the bottom):



Recitar! Mentre preso dal delirio, (To act! While out of my mind,)
non so più quel che dico (I no longer know what I say,)
e quel che faccio! (Nor what I do)
Eppur è d'uopo, sforzati! (And yet it's necessary... to make an effort!)
Bah! sei tu forse un uom? (Bah! Are you not a man?)
Tu se' Pagliaccio! (You're a clown)

Vesti la giubba, (Put on your costume)
e la faccia infarina. (Powder your face)
La gente paga, e rider vuole qua. (The people pay to be here and they want to laugh)
E se Arlecchin t'invola Colombina, (And if Harlequin shall steal your Columbine,)
ridi, Pagliaccio, e ognun applaudirà! (laugh, clown, so the crowd will cheer!)
Tramuta in lazzi lo spasmo ed il pianto (Turn your distress and tears into jest,)
in una smorfia il singhiozzo e 'l dolor, Ah! (your pain and sobbing into a funny face - Ah!)

Ridi, Pagliaccio, (Laugh, clown)
sul tuo amore infranto! (at your broken love)
Ridi del duol, che t'avvelena il cor! (Laugh at the grief that poisons your heart!)

(Pagliaccio means clown but it's also his name, by the way. So it's ironic in that sense...)
Keumerz @ 9:53 PM< [[ 0 comments ]]



Radetzky March

A concert my dad showed me a while ago... I found it by chance on Youtube.
Daniel Barenboim, one of the great conductors of this era, is conducting not just his orchestra but the crowd as well! I love the conductors that communicate with the audience

Keumerz @ 2:23 PM< [[ 0 comments ]]



Olympics.

To think that the whole think is costing so many billions of dollars is making me sick. We don't have money to save people in Africa. We don't have money to offer free education. We don't have money to fix roads. We don't have money to help others. But we have this much F***ing money to hold the Olympics???? I won't even start on the topic of the opening ceremony, or the hockey team or anything at all... Fame, glory, to hell with it. If you think of the whole thing in economic terms, there's no way you can think of it as a positive thing. And I'm sorry if I'm offending all the athletes in the world, but yeah... Anyways. This isn't what I wanna talk about.

What I wanna talk about today is Joannie Rochette, the figure skater who's representing Canada. While it's a fact that I am a supporter of Kim YeonA (the Korean champion)... I think we should have a thought for Joannie Rochette and the terrible ordeal she's going through. The 22 years old girl just lost her mom, who had made the trip to Vancouver (and was doubtlessly her most intense supporter) to see perform.

Okay, so you say "why would KY even think of it"... Well I'm 22 years old and I really don't want to imagine what the girl is going through... but for a moment today, it crossed my mind. This morning, my mom got in a skiing accident. Nothing major, just the arm that she can't use and lots of bruises... she also fell on her head but she was wearing a helmet, which is good cuz it could have been much worse. Of course people who call you to tell you what happened don't start this kind of topic saying "she's fine", they start by saying "she got in an accident", so for a few seconds, my heart started thumping really hard and my vision got blurred. That was just for a few seconds and it was a horrible feeling, honestly.
So when I read on the news that Joannie Rochette's mom died in Vancouver... I felt somewhat heartbroken for her. Because if I lost my mom today, I would be destroyed and lost and I wouldn't know what to do.

Well I think I'm not making so much sense in the way I'm expressing it.. but yeah... I think I'll pray for her tonight.
Keumerz @ 10:38 PM< [[ 11 comments ]]



Uesaka Sensei.

I had heard so many things about her. Some good things, some bad ones. But in the end, it belongs to myself to make my own opinion of her. And after months of looking at her work and do the things she does... I realized that I honestly think she's amazing. Always prepared for class, always ready with concrete examples, always prepared to all kinds of eventual (and sometimes random) questions. And when she doesn't know something, you can be sure she'll take a note and come up with an answer the next class. She's passionate about teaching and about learning about the material she's teaching as well. And strict, so strict in class... but so sweet one-on-one, so understanding and most of all very caring. She doesn't just pretend to be interested in her students, she genuinely worries about them as if they were her children.

I remember I was somewhat scared the first day of class. The first thing she said was: "Japanese level 3 is tough and if you didn't get a A- last term, then don't bother taking it. I will also expect you to prepare to class and if you don't, I'll ask you to leave so that you don't waste your time nor mine". After hearing that speech, I was terrified. One day I forgot to prepare, she found out and she did get pretty angry at me... but she was right to do so, so I never held it against her. I like that she did so though. That means she cares enough about me as a student to worry about the amount of work I'm putting in the class. That's more than I can say about most of my profs.

I am participating in the Japanese speech contest this year and being my teacher, she offered to correct my speech and coach my pronunciation. We spent a few hours talking in her office about the speech and then about different things and I feel like I finally got to know the person under the prof's image. This peaceful lady who loves her job and is passionate about learning, the one concerned about the people surrounding her, the one who believes in destiny and who enjoys life in her own ways... The language prof who is desperately wanting to learn French but has no time to focus on it... And then somehow through her eyes, I saw a form of unexplainable loneliness that kind of broke my heart just for an instant... and suddenly, I wanted to become this extra family member for her. Strange feeling. But anyways, I think she's as amazing a person as she's a prof. And I wish for an opportunity to get to know her better.

You know, I complain about McGill and what not... but just for meeting professors such as her, Hasegawa sensei and A. Hurley, it was worth the whole 3 year pain and all the frustrations I underwent. Because those three meetings have affected me and I believe will still be determining in the way I view things in the future.
Keumerz @ 1:21 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]



Hiromi's concert.

Hiromi's concert, was as expected, AMAZING.
Some pieces were extremely difficult, some others beautiful and emotionally moving... some others both at the same time. Always an image in every song. We laughed, we cried. We were moved. She is moving. She's not just this big shot artist that roams around the world, she's a true artist in the sense that she lives for the love of the music, and the love of the audiences.

I remember meeting her 4 years ago in that small city of Lennoxville where she was giving a concert. People even from Montreal came to see her. She signed an autograph on the CD that I bought and as I muttered "shashin totte mo ii desuka? (can I please take a picture)" in my broken Japanese, she gave me this beaming smile and kindly accepted. Then my friends and I suggested without any hope to go for a drink in a local bar... and she said yes! I keep very good memories of that night. And I always wanted to see her again and see her evolution as an artist and as a human being. Clearly, she became bigger than anything I could've ever imagined... What a pianist. And what a person. I am thankful that such artists exist, really.

The following piece is called "Place to Be". She said that life is a never ending journey of finding your place to be in the world. She also said that hers is to be in front of us, performing... and that she was thanking us for making that place for her. No, Hiromi, we should be thanking you. Your music and the love you transmit through it is seriously a balm for the soul.




Me too, I kinda keep wondering where my place is. Maybe I'll find out at the very end that I knew all along. Or maybe I already know and I need to reconfirm with myself constantly. Maybe I just feel like I need a reconfirmation of where I am and where I stand in, not just in my own life, but in that of the ones I care about too. Maybe I'm just insecure like that...
I wished I had been born a naturally gifted musician. Then perhaps could've I poured all those overflowing emotions into music...
Keumerz @ 1:49 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]



An entry by Paulo Coelho about Emotional Independence.

Emotional independence

“At the beginning of our life and again when we get old, we need the help and affection of others. Unfortunately, between these two periods of our life, when we are strong and able to look after ourselves, we don’t appreciate the value of affection and compassion. As our own life begins and ends with the need for affection, wouldn’t it be better if we gave compassion and love to others while we are strong and capable?”

The above words were said by the present Dalai Lama. Really, it is very curious to see that we are proud of our emotional independence. Evidently, it is not quite like that: we continue needing others our entire life, but it is a “shame” to show that, so we prefer to cry in hiding. And when someone asks us for help, that person is considered weak and incapable of controlling his feelings.

There is an unwritten rule saying that “the world is for the strong”, that “only the fittest survive.” If it were like that, human beings would never have existed, because they are part of a species that needs to be protected for a long period of time (specialists say that we are only capable of surviving on our own after nine years of age, whereas a giraffe takes only six to eight months, and a bee is already independent in less than five minutes).

We are in this world, I, for my part, continue – and will always continue – depending on others. I depend on my wife, my friends and my publishers. I depend even on my enemies, who help me to be always trained in the use of the sword.

Clearly, there are moments when this fire blows in another direction, but I always ask myself: where are the others? Have I isolated myself too much? Like any healthy person, I also need solitude and moments of reflection.

But I cannot get addicted to that.

Emotional independence leads to absolutely nowhere – except to a would-be fortress, whose only and useless objective is to impress others.

Emotional dependence, in its turn, is like a bonfire that we light.

In the beginning, relationships are difficult. In the same way that fire is necessary to put up with the disagreeable smoke – which makes breathing hard, and causes tears to pour down one’s face. However, once the fire is alight, the smoke disappears and the flames light up everything around us – spreading warmth, calm, and possibly making an ember pop out to burn us, but that is what makes a relationship interesting, isn’t that true?

I began this column quoting a Nobel Peace Prize winner about the importance of human relationships. I am ending with Professor Albert Schweitzer, physician and missionary, who received the same Nobel prize in 1952.

“All of us know a disease in Central Africa called sleeping sickness. What we need to know is that there is a similar disease that attacks the soul – and which is very dangerous, because it catches us without being noticed. When you notice the slightest sign of indifference and lack of enthusiasm for your similar, be on the alert!”

“The only way to take precautions against this disease is to understand that the soul suffers, and suffers a lot, when we make it live superficially. The soul likes things that are beautiful and profound”.

Keumerz @ 11:35 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]



It's this time of the year.

I never really liked people who talk about their bf/gf constantly or mention them every other sentence, but now that it's Valentine's Day, I guess the number of people who do that just keeps going up, bringing down the number of types of conversation you have with them.
Don't misunderstand, I'm glad you guys have couples and you are doing well. Seriously. However keep telling me, and my mind gets so saturated that it makes me feel nauseous. Let's just say that, these days I am busy with my own "trying to graduate desperately" thing (meaning I actually put efforts in studying and being focused) so hearing about your petty love life that repeats itself constantly is.. honestly... none of my concern. But I am clear about it at least. And the fact that you constantly need to talk about him/her and that your life can't be lived without seeing or talking to that person at least 15 hours per day is... to me, a concept that is (to someone like me) very difficult to grasp. At least, I am honest about it and I am certain you will find someone who will be kinder and more considerate than me to discuss these things.

Anyways, back onto a more positive subject. It is my Mom's birthday. This time of the year, my Dad usually takes her on a trip to celebrate her birthday, but this year, my Mom said she wanted to stay in, go to our chalet in the mountains and spend quality time with my Dad instead of running the other half of the globe. I think it must be getting quite tiring to go on so many short trips throughout the year so I am glad they are actually taking time to just do nothing and enjoy a real rest. I will be joining them next week and hopefully I will also be able to get some physical and mental rest.

I rediscovered the amazing-ness of John Mayer. What an amazing guitarist. Him, Jack Johnson, Eric Clapton, Jason Mraz, for some reason, I like to put them all in the same category. The awesome use of the guitar in their songs just makes me tremble with enthusiasm. Anyways, here is a cover of Free Fallin' (original by Tom Petty) by John Mayer.



I love this song. And... also "Belief" (where the guitar is even more amazing), and "My Stupid Mouth".. Love his voice, love his lyrics...
Keumerz @ 8:16 PM< [[ 0 comments ]]



Body.. not responding.
Head.. not responding.

Needs. Sleep.
What's going on... I felt exhausted all this week and slept more than usual and I still find the way be like this? Argh. Got things to do but my head is just not responding...
Keumerz @ 9:30 PM< [[ 1 comments ]]



Changing minds.

Constantly, I change plans. Last year I was planning to do my master's in Seoul. Then this year I planned to do it in Paris. Now I just changed my mind again and decided to do an English program in Korea. And then later go to Paris, hopefully?

It's difficult to explain and I still have to discuss it with my parents. I think they would understand but at the same time, I am scared they would be disappointed. They were really looking forward to my Paris experience. "My return to my French roots". And my grand parents were even more excited about it. I just have to think it through once more and than make a final decision, 'cause once I apply to that program, going back is somewhat irreversible. At the consulate they told me that if I cancel, it just... won't work out for the next time I want to do it. I'll think about it slowly, gather the information and then if I do it, run 100% into it.

It's a governmental program. Basically they send you to some remote place (I could even be sent to Jeju do, if I am unlucky) and you teach english to kids. 15 hours a week. The rest of the time, you can tour, learn Korean. Do stuff. lol The plane ticket is provided, the lodging also, and the pay is okay (1500$ month?). Week ends are free. There's a 14 day paid leave. 6days of sickness with doctor's note. Training provided. No experience required.

Not bad, really.
Yeah, I know, I said I'd do all my studying at once and then go back. But I think that once I get into the European system, going back to Asia won't be as easy. I don't know why, just a hunch? One year in Korea to improve my Korean and hopefully save some money, then I'll go to France do my master's. And then who knows.
That's the plan, but I am just unsure whether I'll go on with it, or change back.

Haha. So indecisive.
Keumerz @ 8:17 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]



Dmitri Hvorostovsky



The world- reknown barytone singer is coming to Montreal for the first time!!! I am totally excited!!!!! Finally, Montreal's Stage, though not half as prestigious as New York's or Paris', is gaining enough fame to attract real artists!!!
Well the truth is, 90% of the people in this city don't give a damn anyways whether a famous Opera singer comes or not, but I personally think it's a good sign for the cultural future of this city. I might start complaining that it's so dull. In one month, two huge personalities are coming: Hvorostovsky and the Russian conductor Valery Gergiev, who's coming with the whole of Mariinsky Orchestra from St-Petersburg. March 14th (V.G) and March 26th (D.H.), don't look for me, don't try to call me, don't even bother remembering I exist, because on those dates I'm going to their concert and I will be so focused on them that I think the rest won't matter. Nothing else, but me sitting in that room listen to their music, balm of the soul. Oh no, there's nothing better.

Important detail: I think we ought to thank Kent Nagano for all that. Since he has taken the lead of the Montreal Symphonic Orchestra, a lot of good things have happened. The Orchestra grew of course more famous, the classical music world has opened its door to more than just the supposed "elite" and now all those great artists coming, despite the much smaller (and most likely less knowledgeable) audiences. Anyways, hats off, Kent Nagano. You should get an award for Cultural Development of the city of Montreal.
Here, I'm stealing this pic from some website to honour you. Thank you, Nagano.



Ah, anyways, I spent a little fortune on my Hvorostovsky ticket, cuz I figured, how many times in my youth will I enjoy the privilege of seeing him from so close? And plus, if you think about it, a "bad" ticket starts at 50$ plus tax.. so I might as well pay the double and get a very good seat, especially if I'm going on my own and for myself. It'll be my way too early birthday gift. And my reward for surviving a whole year of ups and downs since my return to Mtl.

Hmm, I am starting to like my classmates in Japanese class. I still get annoyed by the fact they don't work hard, and don't seem to give a damn about all this when I am dying to learn Japanese and giving it my best (and still not doing as well as I'd wished for the amount of efforts I am putting into it). But personality wise, I think they're quite pleasant people.

Btw, U* sensei is STILL amazing as ever... and she and H* sensei definitely make up for all the bad profs I've had in McGill. I think 10 profs who don't give a damn and are useless are worth enduring when you can meet ONE prof like her. Seriously. You've given me the strength to work harder, even though all you did was your job. But that's more than you can ask many people. The Japanese older version of JHS*?

Oh yes, as much as I love to complain when my blood is boiling with anger, I think praising the people I admire is also a necessary expression of my mind. Both might be overdone, but hey, I never said I was a moderate person. If I hate, I really hate but when I love, I really love.
Keumerz @ 1:04 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]



Placido Domingo.

Born in 1941, the man just turned 69 years old and he's still THAT awesome.
His voice of course isn't as beautiful as in his prime years, but he's so much more than just a voice. More than just the devoted musician, he's also an actor and a conductor.
I saw him directly on stage just once (when I went to NY last week) and I wished I could fly back to NY to see him again over and over. Whoever said he was done with was totally wrong.



What an accomplished life of success. I wouldn't dare any singer to follow in his footsteps just because what he is doing is just too incredible. There is just one Placido Domingo and most people would kill their voice trying to overwork themselves the way he does.
I sometimes wonder if the man even sleeps...

Definitely someone to look up to. Someone who spent a lifetime concentrating on one passion and never letting it go...
Keumerz @ 10:17 AM< [[ 1 comments ]]



Honest People

There are still some in the world! I was much luckier than most... and if it hadn't been for that, I don't know if I would have believed it to be true.

I remember this kid lost his Iphone in that Japanese culture class and he was only able to get it back once he sent a text saying he'd give a 50$ reward. I thought "why the heck do you have to pay to get back something that's yours in the first place???" The person brought the phone and he paid. Then I thought that if that's what the world has come to, it's quite pitiful.

But yeah, today someone proved me wrong, like way wrong. I lost my Ipod touch. I probably left it in the German class. It wasn't just the thing itself, but all the pics, all the music I organized in it, and all my emails passwords written in there that I got worried to lose. And well, yes, I do like that Ipod touch very much, I'm sure anyone could understand me for not wanting to lose it. I went back there, it wasn't in the classroom. I went to the administration, they had it! And they even asked me to identify myself to get it back.

I just gained back my faith in humanity.
Keumerz @ 10:56 AM< [[ 2 comments ]]



Happy Convo.

KY: So you're not coming to Canada?
J: Nothing sure yet... maybe I can't... but if you go to France for grad school, I'll go visit you.
KY: What if France doesn't work out? What if I end up going to Korea?
J: Then I'll choose you as an English teacher... actually it might work out better this way. Just come back.
KY: I thought you said I wasn't meant to live in Korea.
J: I changed my mind. Come.
KY: Hahaha.
J: Study more and then come.
KY: Study more what?
J: Do up to the master's and then come.
KY: Are you telling me to fail my entrance exam to France and go to Korea instead?
J:.. well no, not that.. but if someone like YOU can't get a job in Korea, then who can?
KY: Though I can't speak Korean properly.
J: You're doing well. Well enough to get a job. No joke. But wow, it really seems like I'm trying to convince you to come eh?
KY: Do you miss me that much?
J: Yeah...
KY: Hmm. That doesn't sound like the J that I know... so contradictory?
J: It's not that I didn't want you to come... I am just worried.
KY: So you do worry about me? :P
J:......

I don't know if I'll be taken in that grad school to France...
There was a time I was so terrified to know I might not be... Just because I was able to convince myself that I don't fit in Korea. Maybe I still think I don't fit there... Maybe I can't actually live there for so long... Or maybe the most terrifying thing was to think that you might not want me around. What is it that scares me, really?
I complain I am suffocating here. I am scared of suffocating there... In the end, I am scared before even trying... That's not the way I should do things.
But let's say France doesn't work out and I go back to Seoul.... then to know you're there is reassuring. And to know that you actually have one or more reasons of wanting me there... is somewhat pleasing... Just because if there's one person that's part of the 1% that I mentioned in my previous entry, it has to be you. Unconditionally. Because noone knows me nor understands me better than you.
Now that I know you'll encourage me no matter what I do... I wanna try. I don't know where or what, but I'll try.
Keumerz @ 1:57 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]



People in numbers.


My dad told me something that I didn't quite believe back then, just because I idealized the people surrounding me... Still today, I idealize them to a certain extend and I try really hard to convince myself that those people whom I care about so much and run around constantly for, will remain by my side in a way for ever... But the truth is, as usual my dad is right.

Here are some numbers, according to what I've started understanding in the recent weeks. Family is excluded from those percentage... just because... family is family.


70% of the people you meet are not worth your trouble. No offence, but meeting people in class, through friends, or in a party doesn't mean you're gonna establish a never ending bond and a life/death friendship. (And I mean no offense in this category, but think of the number of people you have on your facebook accounts and think of the number you ACTUALLY know very well or keep in touch with regularly.) That doesn't mean you can't enjoy their company, but that also doesn't mean you'll be in touch with them in 10, 5 or even 2 years from now.


12% you'll keep running after.. because they inspire you, because they make you feel good, or just because there's a reason... even if you're not sure of what it is. You don't need to know why you want to be with them, but you do. Half those people will just remain this guiding inspiration, the other half will just not care. And the truth is that in the end, since you'll get hurt by that latter half a thousand times more than you'll be happy with them, they're also not worth your trouble. You won't realize this while you're with them of course. That'll take some time until you look back and say to yourself "Wow, I've been used/torn/stepped on by this person and they're just not worth my trouble".


8% are somewhat worth it. They'll become those good friends whom you really enjoy spending time with, travelling perhaps, laughing, enjoying times. They'll become those memories which will always stay good forever, either because they were meant to be good, or never meant to deepen enough to get shaken up. Meaning, they were never meant to know who's hiding behind this mask you put up, but they're totally happy with what they see, and you're totally happy with what they see. Vice versa, of course.


5% are worth it. But to what extend? That's something you need to ask for yourself. Reciprocity is there. They want to know you, you want to know them... Some of those people might later prove to belong to the last category of this entry, some others might bail out as soon as trouble pops up. And I am not making a judgement here, it's not like I am any different... so there's no need to feel bad or insulted.


4% are worth it, but you'll never know cuz you don't look at them closely enough. They are those people who are willing to be there, understand you, let you know them and try to make you understand them, they are the ones who are (not completely but somewhat) unconditionally willing to be "your people"... but because of some external or internal factor (who knows) you end up not really paying attention to them enough. A one sided clicking, perhaps?


1% are "your people". They see through your mind games, through your defence mechanisms, and so do you. They want to be there for you and you want to be there for them. They bring you good and bad but you take it and vice versa. You fight them out of care but you find a way to overcome these things. And they don't just take everything from you, they also give you everything. And this is something that's not counted, it's just a fact.
They don't stick to the image you give, they know who you are. It doesn't matter if you've known them for years, months, weeks, days. Sometimes, they just appear... and they never disappear.

But the truth is, the people of the last category don't actually really constitute even 1%.
I might just not have realized who is around me yet, but so far I can count them on one hand.

I don't know where I was going with that...
I just suddenly felt that existence is somewhat a very lonely thing...
We are surrounded by so many people yet we feel so alone.
Keumerz @ 7:08 PM< [[ 1 comments ]]



Elevation

I don't think I can consider myself as better than anyone... but there are things and types of people I can't help but looking down on. I don't think that's arrogance, I think it's just... Well, I don't know what it is, but I don't think it's so peculiar either.
The thing is, I think that most people judge and dislike in others that they would dislike and try to fix within themselves. Same goes for me. The kind of people I dislike are the ones who have the same flaws...
People who deceive others, people who waste their opportunities, people who pretend to be better than they really are. People who don't really work hard and then complain they failed. Or people who give up before even trying.
I'm not trying to put myself down by writing these things, but I think a lot of those elements apply or applied to me to a certain extend, even though I am kinda embarrassed to admit it.
And thus, I can't stand looking at others' mediocrity, just because it reminds me of my own.
As much as I act arrogant and self complacent, I don't think that's who I really am. But it makes it so much easier to make people believe that's what I am... Makes it easier to filter through the people who stick by me for my image and those who stick by me for who I truly am....
And in the end, I feel like... Acting as if I am above all this might eventually elevate me?
Keumerz @ 10:53 AM< [[ 5 comments ]]



NEW YORK!

I went to NY and back. The train rides were long, but surprisingly I slept veeeeery well.
We left 4 of us. 2 girls 2 guys. Then we got off at Croton Harmon, the station closest to F* place. He came to get us by car and we spent the evening at his place. His family has a nice big house in the suburbs and his parents are just fantastic people. We had dinner, we chilled for a little while and left to the center of NY in the morning. We didn't do the usual NY touristic tour, but we did go to the Metropolitan Museum where we spent most of the day. What a great place. You get in through donation and you can spend the whole day there if you wish to. We stayed there from 11:00 AM to 6:30 PM and we couldn't finish seeing everything... but it was really worth it. What a beautiful museum. The only thing lacking is the Korean section which is tiny... but someday, I am confident that they'll develop it too!


Here are some pics of the Modern Art section of the Met. Of course, for more Modern Art we should have gone to the MoMa or the Guggenheim... but I think we were quite satisfied with the Met for this time. Next time, I'd love to go to the other museums though.

After the Museum, we went to watch an opera at the Metropolitan Opera, one the the most famous and beautiful concert halls in the world today. We watched Verdi's Simon Boccanegra which was starring the wonderful Placido Domingo in the main role. He is 67 years old and still awesome as ever. He got applaused three times and each time more than the last... What a feeling it was. Seeing it live is quite different from just watching the DVD and even though we were quite far away from the stage, the accoustic was amazing and so we could hear everything very well.



Amazing experience. I can only look forward to the next time.
The next day we didn't do much, we shopped a bit in the Soho district, where we found a Uniqlo. We hung out at F* place mostly and watched the movie "12 monkeys", which I actually liked very much. Time is too short when you enjoy, but it was a great week end.
Keumerz @ 12:04 PM< [[ 0 comments ]]


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