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OMG.
Or I should say GEE!!
Men singing that girly cheesy Korean song by Girls Generation... and dancing to it... HILARIOUS.
That definitely made my day. Thanks, Matt.

Keumerz @ 11:28 AM< [[ 2 comments ]]



It's a rainy day and it reminds me of Korean 장마 (rainy season)... I hated it so much when I was over there. Rain all the time on top of humidity... and there was aircon everywhere... I should've been happy that there was aircon but it was too much and I eventually got sick. I hated summer as a season in Korea... But there were so many things I liked too... the 짬뽕 (korean type of spicy soup) or the 파전 (Korean pancake) when it would rain... All the students with an umbrella... I miss it... For a while I questioned whether it was my prof or Korea that I missed and after thinking of all these things I miss, it really is Korea... I miss the feeling I had when I was there. I miss the person I was when I was there. I miss the food, the places where I could go, the people... I even miss that crazy 아줌마 (middle aged woman) who'd yell at me when I couldn't understand what she was saying... Even the bad smells at this point are a miss.............. err. Maybe not. Anyways.

I re-opened old diaries and notebooks from last year. Quite shocking to see the kind of crap you write when you're really emotional about something. Some feelings I lost and I don't think I can ever regain... Some things evolved and led to something better, in some case it led to something worse... But it's funny to look back at it now. In a year, how will I perceive the me of now? I'm kinda curious...

Anyways. I'm excited for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. I can't sit still...
I wanna enjoy this moment....
Keumerz @ 9:50 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]



I think that looking back at things after some time is always beneficial. I spent so much time hurting over things that I over thought about, missing people that were not around me, grudging over things that bothered me... Now when I look at all that, I think it was a necessary part of the whole "process of growing up"... Wow, sounds like a speech out of a B category movie.... But seriously, after looking at things in perspective tonight, I feel much better and I feel I'm on the right way to a better understanding of things in general...
Could I have done things differently back then? Maybe not. Would I do things differently given a similar situation? Definitely. I seriously think that even some things seem to make perfect sense at a given time, it might not make sense later. I'm impulsive and I'm working on it. But give me a second chance and I'll do my best not to blow it. I'm hoping that some other situations I've been caught in will change in the same positive way. With time, everything is possible. I just want things to get better in a number of ways... I'm just not so great at expressing it at the right time with the right words. Clumsy me.

What else... Things that made my day.
Oppa came all the way to my place just to make me porridge when he heard that I was sick. I was so touched, I really felt like hugging him... but if I did that may have been a step too quick? It's such a strange sensation. He was so sweet too...

Me: Omg... you came all the way here?
Oppa: It was on my way.
Me: What? From where?
Oppa: From my church, it's on the orange line, like Jean Talon.
Me: Isn't your church at Villa Maria? It's like on the totally opposite side.
Oppa: .............Ok, it wasn't on the way. But who cares. It doesn't take much time. Do you have rice? I'll make you porridge.

Happy moments. That excitement before seeing each other... the nervosity when I get that phone call... ^^; Maybe these are the most precious moments and I should cherish them more... Not like in the past when I was taking things for granted.
Keumerz @ 11:33 PM< [[ 0 comments ]]



Long day...
Woke up at 6:30. Left the house at 8:15. Drove to Quebec City... arrived around 12:00 ish (cuz of the breakfast break, it took a little longer). Walked around the city. Took loads of pics. Neverending journey.... Long time friend Mashu and recently met EY onni... It was nice to spend time with them. We went to the French Ambassador's house by 18:00. Left to Montmorency's falls by 19:30.... Had dinner around 21:00. Left Quebec City at 22:30. Arrival in Montreal at 1:30 PM. Nice day though.

That ambassador... Every time I meet him I am impressed... and I get even more impressed as time goes by. The love he carries for his wife and family. The success he knows at work, at what he does in general. His charisma... The reliability of his word and his overall personality. Wow. Seriously... If I had to define success by pointing at one person, I would point at him (maybe my Dad too, but that might be considered a biased opinion). Most of all, he's a happy person. I am happy too but I hope I can carry on being happy as my lifestyle changes and years go by. If I could have just half of what he has, that would be enough to carry me away for a long time.... ^^;;

Ah... it's almost 4 a.m. Maybe I should consider sleeping soon eh.
I still miss my prof more than I can ever express it. But slowly, I am starting to realize that it doesn't matter for how long we can't talk or how far away we are... somehow, I know she's with me.
Keumerz @ 3:33 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]



Today is gonna be a busy day, but hopefully as good one. Well not that I can complain about the last few weeks... I've had some really good and happy times. Tho a bit more serenity would not hurt.
Hmm, well today started off pretty well at least. Nice breakfast cooked by Dasol. Nice message sent by Minsoo oppa. Work from 1, finishing at 8... followed by dinner with long time no seen Kumi-san and Yu-san.
What more. I think I'm starting to realize a lot of important things in a very short time. You know, about people and stuff... I want to believe that what I've been doing is right... and that changes I've been undergoing have paid off to turn me into something better. Well it's not like the world around me isn't changing.... But yeah through changes/evolution, even if some people are lost on the way... I believe the true ones remain...

Speaking of which, there's something special about that kid. Drags me towards her. Make me wanna get close and all. What's with people and their special aura. Do I inspire a similar feeling to anybody at all? Anyways, she doesn't expect me to get out of my own way for her. Down to earth. Doesn't tell me just what I want to hear. Blunt. Maybe just what I needed...
I just want to be myself. Not having to justify, explain, apologize all the time. All this is so tiring. People ask for explanations and apologies when they're not even willing to understand those. What a load of crap. Of course conventions should be followed. There are some rules of equity/fairness/politeness that I should follow. However, I don't see why I should be breaking my neck over those.
Don't make me laugh. If you really want something, just get it instead of blaming the world for not receiving it.
Keumerz @ 10:02 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]



The more you assume you know someone, the more they surprise you...
Well, it's the same with yourself I guess. We all think we know ourselves but do we really?
Anyways, so a bunch of surprises occurred this week. Some people weren't quite as I thought they were... but yeah, it was not always an unpleasant surprise...

In some cases, I was rather surprised to a point I could not understand their actions... (but you know what, who am I to try to understand people's behaviour. ) I question but I can't figure it out. Anyways, let'em do their stuff... whatever makes them happy. Just don't ask me for advice or opinion about it, cuz I'll be blunt. I hate those people who just tell you what you wanna hear. What's the point of asking for someone's advice then.

In some other cases, i was pleasantly surprised. I guess first impressions are never accurate, but to be impressed so much after a few meetings is quite something. All these things that I do not necessarily wish to see in myself, such as insecurity, doubt and fear..., well I saw them in someone else, and I saw them in a very different way. Somewhat... beautifully? I don't know how to express exactly what I saw, but it made me feel as if, I shouldn't see them as negatively as I have. Maybe insecurity is the first step to self-confidence.

I found out that people are always centering everything on themselves (and who could blame them) but at different levels. Of course, it's impossible to center oneself completely on others but I also don't want to be one who focuses entirely on myself. If I can find the way to be balanced.... in other words, to be there for the others when they're in time of need without losing myself in the process, it would be quite an achievement. I feel like I am always doing too much or not enough. Learning process. Eventually I should master it right?
Keumerz @ 6:11 PM< [[ 0 comments ]]



So I can keep in touch with some friends for years and then we'll meet and things will be fine... Or I could just not keep in touch with some friends for years... and then we'll meet and things would STILL be fine. No problem, not at all. Confidence. I believe in the love I carry for them, in the love they bear for me and in the overall functioning of our relationship without having to be there constantly for each other....

And then on the other end, I don't get news from that person for a week and I panic. Oh I don't literally panic as in starting the invasion of their mailbox by random mails of "where are u and what are u up to?"... But my heart feels insecure. I know the message I've been waiting for all week long will come. I know. But I still feel worried. I still feel unconfident. I still can't fully believe in me, in that person, in our relationship. Is it just that I hold that person in too high regards? Need a solution, real fast.
Keumerz @ 3:01 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]



So... I'm working in real estate (just temporarily) and so I should expect that kind of talk once in a while... But there comes this customer with her 18 year-old-son... and she starts telling us how important it is for him to get a house/condo/ first property by the time he's 25. Then my boss goes like, "Yeah that was my goal too, but I exceeded it by 2 years... Got my first at 27." THen the mother is like "Well 27 is still okay, you know as long as he gets it before he's 30. That's what life is like. You go towards your goal and you reach it as soon as you can. Positive ambition."

So then I'm thinking... Okay, I have no positive ambition then, I guess... I just turned 22. I'm going to graduate McGill as I'll turn 23. Then going to France for 2 years to do my master's. That goes all the way to 25. Now supposing I take a year right after to either go back to Korea or go to Japan. That's 26. Hmm. No way I can reach that goal of theirs....
Then I get a job... work for a few years... I hardly see how I'll get my first property by the time I'm 30... Unless I get married in between... But then what if I get kids? Gosh, I don't even wanna think about that time. So yeah, that "positive ambition" of theirs works for them, but not for everyone I guess...

Anyways. These days I work hard and I think it pays off. One more house sold. One more commission. If I keep it up I'll be able to save enough to go to Korea next summer without having to ask my parents for any money... and still have enough to back myself up when I go to Paris in September 2010. Good job, KY. Keep working hard. I wanna find a second job. One where I can work morning shifts... who knows, maybe a coffee shop or something. I just need more hours... Fill in those blanks. Make myself busy till I'm so exhausted I have no time to go out.

Tomorrow Yuri's leaving. Gotta meet her at the airport at 6:00 AM. Then I'll have to say bye to Sumi, leaving at the end of next month. Gosh. Why does it seem like all the people I've built strong friendship with are leaving so quickly. No, rather the question is why the heck am I graduating so late? Oh right, I went to Korea. I don't regret any of it... Just... I wished I didn't have to be the one to stay behind and watch them all leave...

I think since I've come to McGill, there was always this main group of people my life was centered with. Maybe not the ones I was crazy about the way I'm crazy over my prof... but their presence was just so essential... Heeja, Kyan, Yuri, Sumi, Charles... and a few others that already left... Some just are leaving and some others I just wasn't able to keep by my side... Anyways, that's life for you... Everyone leaves and there are only a few that'll always stay by you, no matter the distance... I'm kinda curious to know who that might be... 20 years from now, who will I still be in touch with? How many more disappointments to come... or good surprises?

Haha. I'm getting all soft. Korea just made me melt inside and now I'm so weak it's not even funny. I need to go to bed before I start more non sense talk.
Keumerz @ 11:25 PM< [[ 0 comments ]]



Wow, my last post dates back from November 2008.
What was I doing then? Prolly hanging out with my Prof in Korea...
People wonder why I like her so much and they make fun of me and stuff, but it's just that they don't understand that feeling. I feel maybe noone will ever understand that... cuz if they really did, I'm sure they wouldn't make fun of it... Anyways that's just me being ideal about people again. People are not meant to understand each other, they're too focused on their own world.

So I came back from Korea completely destroyed, thinking I'll lose everything I gained in Korea and thinking that Montreal was the shittiest place in the world. The reverse culture shock, as they call it. Everything seems so much better elsewhere....
Kept getting disappointed in things I saw, the people I met and most of all in my own self. Gosh, I really hated myself when I came back. I was starting to act like before.. like I owed everything to everyone and I should do everything they want.... But I finally went back to normal mode and started being a little more B-blooded, as they say. No more putting up with all the "I don't have to understand your reasons, but please understand mine" shit.
Anyways, I gave myself 2 months to get over the culture shock... but it took a little longer.
I had to get over the lame technology, the bad transportation systems and go back to the everyday routine of the McGill student... Intense depression. I also thought I was losing my prof and all those awesome people whom I met in Korea (and before Korea)....

But then thanks to that prof, I realized that a person who really cares will stick by your side, even if you don't realize it. Little gestures are often the ones that are neglected... but looking back at it, I found out, that she was always around thinking of me in all those moments when I needed her to... even if I was selfish and realized it later.

Thanks to her I also learnt that true friends, no matter how bad you are at keeping in touch, they'll be around in the end... That's quite a fact if you look at how Sumi, Heeja and I are still that close despite the distance we went through over the years. We don't need to talk everyday to know we care about one another... and we know there's none of that "sure I say I will but I won't" shit between us. No O-seiji, no 빈말. Just honest thoughts.

I think I've met too many people whom I can't trust... But then again, my disappointment towards those people is my own fault. I shouldn't have expected so much in the first place....
Anyways, it was all worth it, since in the end I also met awesome people.

What more. Oh yeah, I had the greatest birthday ever this year. With some real people. ^^
I should be thankful.
Keumerz @ 10:22 AM< [[ 0 comments ]]


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